Things are coming together for me. I live with a mind that is constantly looking backwards with doubt. It realizes, but unconsciously. Today I experienced some realization, perhaps aided by the daily transits, and I was gripped by the emotion that came out of my body.
I am in the process of writing my inventory, part of the process of 12 Step recovery. Being invited to do the 12 Steps was not the invitation I had been waiting for, but it felt right and it has proven to be exceptionally helpful.
Writing inventory is like writing your life story, but not the part you'd like everyone to see. It's everything you hate about your life, and about other people. It begins with every resentment you have, how everyone has hurt you, and then moves onto how you hurt them, how you are being dishonest, what you want to get out of the situation, and what you are afraid of. No one walks away from the experience of writing inventory and says, eh, no big deal. No one says, wow, that made my life worse, I wish I had never done that, it its not pretty and it's not easy.
What I have started to see is how much my open solar plexus has run my life. I'm not just talking about avoiding an argument. When Ra talked about the open solar plexus he said, "these people have a secret life." I knew what he meant, but I had never realized how fiercely I defended my secret life, the lengths to which I was willing to go to avoid emotion.
It started with realizing that every single person in my life is non-emotional. Literally everyone I've ever felt "close" to, anyone I've ever trusted, everyone I've ever felt "understood" me is non-emotional. Not only are they all non-emotional, almost every single one of them is splenic. Wow. That terrified me.
But today what I saw was the root of my secret life. It started before I was seven, when people would ask me "what is wrong?" and I didn't have an answer, I didn't know. This seemed to concern them, so I started to hide my crying. I'm seeing clearly that I only ever cried when my father was in the house, (he's the only emotional being in our family) and, interestingly, that I often cried about him, and that he was the one I was hiding my emotion from. I knew he would get so upset if he knew how upset I was and I wanted to protect him, er myself, from feeling all that pain.
There is a new girl living in my house. She's an emotional generator, and I seem to be sleeping in her aura, even though there is plenty of room between us. I wake up in the morning feeling frustrated and emotional. These emotional people are like whales, you can't budge them. I respect her because she seems to respect her own pace, but I was also enraged for the last week about having to deal with this emotion. What I realized today is that it's not the emotion I don't like, it's the lack of control. Since she came I have started crying quite regularly. I cry sometimes continuously throughout the day. This is terrible, I have been thinking, this is not fair! But after today I realized that it's not the crying I mind, it's the fear that someone will see me, and ask me, "what's wrong" and I won't have anything to tell them. That fear is so old and so engrained in me. It is the foundation of my secret life.
So today I cried, hard, in the kitchen. It gripped me and brought me to my knees at one moment. And then it passed, rather suddenly. It's not me, all this emotion, but that doesn't mean I have to avoid it. I don't have to avoid anything. I can just trust that I'm going to be where I need to be and I'm going to be who I need to be when I'm there. Everything else is just icing on the cake of life.
Showing posts with label Human Design. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Human Design. Show all posts
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Human Design Profiles, harmonic and not
This is true for every profile to some degree, but I'm noticing that some are more at odds with each other than others. In Human Design they call this being a "harmonic," or being "in resonance," which is just a fu-fu way of saying that it's easier.
If you consider the harmonic profiles you can see how easily they will work together. I guess it's important to add that I'm considering this from the point of view that the first number of the profile is how the person sees themselves, and the second number is how other people see the person.
The 6/3 for example. You have the trial and error body, everyone sees that you are pessimistic and that stuff is going to go wrong for you. You see yourself the same way for the first third of your life. When you go on the roof, people still see you the same way, but your so aloof you don't care.
The 5/2 and 2/5 are similar as well. You have the projection of the fifth line, either from other people (2/5), or from you on yourself (5/2), but you then you have this natural ability to back it up. So if you see yourself as a natural and others project on you, there's a similarity there in the way that those relationships are going to line up.
Then you look at the 4/1 and 1/4. Sure, it's insecurity all around. But at least everyone is in agreement.
Then there are the rest of us! the 5/1... Everyone sees it as insecure, and it sees itself as a savior. Paranoia anyone? The 2/4... Others see it as insecure, but it sees itself as a natural. The 6/2 ha! This might be one of my favorites. I've been meeting a lot of 6/2s lately. On the outside they look so sweet, almost innocent. But inside they are pessimistic and straight-forward. And, of course, there's the 3/5. The toughest of all profiles according to Mr. Ra. Other people project all their hopes and dreams onto it, and there it goes, error after error after error. Luckily, it never thought anything was going to go well in the first place, so it can handle it.
photo footnote: http://www.fotothing.com/photos/258/258536fcdb5c7c19a1cce2ea2491b252.jpg
for more on Human Design Profile see here: http://loveyourhumandesign.com/
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Suffering as a choice
Here is what I notice about myself and my decision making process. Well, an example will probably work best.
I'm sitting in the car. I have just finished grocery shopping. In the car are, among other things, half of a sandwich and a box of generic pop-tarts. I am not hungry. The sandwich tastes really good and so do the pop-tarts. I notice that I am not hungry and that I do not want to eat anything. I decide to eat something anyway. I eat one pop-tart. Then I eat the sandwich. Then I eat the other pop-tart. Now my stomach is uncomfortably full. I hear the thought, well, I might as well finish the box of pop-tarts since I am already past full and I will have to eat them sometime anyway.
So, what I see in this example is something that pervades my life. I see the choice that will lead to happierness, and I do not take it. I consistently chose pain and suffering. Not in large ways necessarily, although I sometimes do that too, but in these small ways, every day, I chose to suffer rather than to respect the limitations of the form.
When I came to human design I knew this, and it is this tendency that I hoped to heal. That I could chose what is correct instead of what leads to suffering, but it seems like this tendency has gotten worse. It used to be that sometimes I would chose what felt right, and sometimes I would chose what I "wanted." Now I consistently chose what I "want" instead of what feels right. It's like my mind is trying to rebel against the increased awareness by proving that it has power whenever it can.
Though, it is also entirely possible that in the past I was simply unaware of how often I chose to suffer and that what is happening now is an increased awareness of suffering that will lead to a decrease in suffering overall. Time will tell.
Photo by Marc Pilaro
So, what I see in this example is something that pervades my life. I see the choice that will lead to happierness, and I do not take it. I consistently chose pain and suffering. Not in large ways necessarily, although I sometimes do that too, but in these small ways, every day, I chose to suffer rather than to respect the limitations of the form.
When I came to human design I knew this, and it is this tendency that I hoped to heal. That I could chose what is correct instead of what leads to suffering, but it seems like this tendency has gotten worse. It used to be that sometimes I would chose what felt right, and sometimes I would chose what I "wanted." Now I consistently chose what I "want" instead of what feels right. It's like my mind is trying to rebel against the increased awareness by proving that it has power whenever it can.
Though, it is also entirely possible that in the past I was simply unaware of how often I chose to suffer and that what is happening now is an increased awareness of suffering that will lead to a decrease in suffering overall. Time will tell.
Photo by Marc Pilaro
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Maybe Sartre was on to something...
mmm...
We really are stuck here in these mechanics. I am reminded of it every day that I spend living with my mom.
The first twenty-five years I spent with my family I spent in relative silence. I would participate in the fun stuff, but I never participated in family arguments, and I never intervened when I thought I could be helpful. I saw my mom being mean to my dad. I saw my dad complaining about it and never standing up for himself. I saw my mom and my sister say terrible things to each other.
Everyone adored me. They confided in me, I heard their perspectives and I was "such a great listener." The thing is that it was all sort of a lie. I was holding down everything that I was seeing. No one ever asked for my perspective and I never offered it, but the bitterness that developed in me was palpable. Why didn't they ever ask me what I thought? Why didn't they ever want to know what was happening in my life?
Finally at age 23 I exposed myself. I told them everything. I told them what I thought of each of them and what I thought about the way we interacted with each other. No one disagreed. But they stopped telling me how great I was, and what a great listener I was. In the meantime, they kept being mean to each other in the same ways. Year after year I watched it, tried to point it out, tried to get them to talk to each other, tried to confront them about what I saw, and every time I did things got worse, and I got more committed to transforming the situation.
Then I met human design and finally it all became clear. Ah! I'm a projector. I can see the things I seem to be able to see. I'm not crazy! But I can't share it with people until they ask me. And because I'm a 5/1, my family never will.
Since then it has just been years of dealing with the fall-out. I apologize, but it kills me. It feels like I'm lying to myself, like I'm stabbing myself in the back. I am right! I think while I tell them I am wrong. But there's no explaining it. They can't ever understand what it's like to be a projector. But ah! It's so hard to let go! It feels like a cruel joke - to be able to see what we see and to be sentenced to do nothing about it until the apes recognize that we have something to offer. Sure, they're beautiful apes, but fools. They are all fools.
It reminds me of No Exit, by Sartre. In fact, it is making me reconsider these existentialists and their brilliance. Three people are in a room. They are all dead. Garcin is the newest to be dropped off in the room. They know only that they cannot leave the room for all of eternity, and that this is hell. Otherwise, there is nothing. The three dead people begin to argue. Finally Inez understands something.
INEZ ... Ah, I understand now. I know why they've put us together.
GARCIN I advise you to - to think twice before you say any more.
INEZ Wait! You'll see how simple it is. Childishly simple. Obviously there aren't any physical torments - you agree, don't you? And yet we're in hell. And no one else will come here. We'll stay in this room together, the three of us, for ever and ever... In short, there's someone absent here, the official torturer.
GARCIN... I'd noticed that.
INEZ It's obvious what they're after - an economy of man-power -- or devil-power, if you prefer. The same idea as in the cafeteria, where customers serve themselves.
ESTELLE What ever do you mean?
INEZ I mean that each of us will act as torturer of the two others
[There is a short silence while they digest this information.]
GARCIN [gently] No, I shall never be your torturer. I wish neither of you any harm, and I've no concern with you. None at all. So the solutions easy enough; each of us stays put in his or her corner and takes no notice of the others. You here, you here, and I there. Like soldiers at our posts. Also, we mustn't speak. Not one word. That won't be difficult; each of us has plenty of material for self-communings. I think I could stay ten thousand years with only my thoughts for company.
Their attempts at not torturing each other are obviously failures, but it's funny to see the way that just them being who they are, each of the them being themselves tortures the others. Funny in a very dark way. Funny the way that I feel now when I realize that I am in that same situation. That I am Garcin, trying, now that I have discovered the mechanics of it all, to get out, thinking that by understanding it I could change it. And slowly, SLOWLY surrendering to the reality of the limitations of human interaction, to the fact that there is no exit.
I just can't help but continue to wish to dream of a time when we could understand each other. When we can be separate but also know each others' experiences. Maybe that wish is my own private Inez or Estelle. Or maybe that's exactly what human design promises. Guess I'll just have to wait and see. For now, the bitterness encompasses me. The thing is that if anyone valued what I had to offer from this bitterness it would only feed the bitterness, and the feeling that everyone else had owed me. It's not from here that I can find resignation. I have to resign first, and that's a bitter pill to swallow!
photo from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:NoExit_cover.gif
We really are stuck here in these mechanics. I am reminded of it every day that I spend living with my mom.
The first twenty-five years I spent with my family I spent in relative silence. I would participate in the fun stuff, but I never participated in family arguments, and I never intervened when I thought I could be helpful. I saw my mom being mean to my dad. I saw my dad complaining about it and never standing up for himself. I saw my mom and my sister say terrible things to each other.
Finally at age 23 I exposed myself. I told them everything. I told them what I thought of each of them and what I thought about the way we interacted with each other. No one disagreed. But they stopped telling me how great I was, and what a great listener I was. In the meantime, they kept being mean to each other in the same ways. Year after year I watched it, tried to point it out, tried to get them to talk to each other, tried to confront them about what I saw, and every time I did things got worse, and I got more committed to transforming the situation.
Since then it has just been years of dealing with the fall-out. I apologize, but it kills me. It feels like I'm lying to myself, like I'm stabbing myself in the back. I am right! I think while I tell them I am wrong. But there's no explaining it. They can't ever understand what it's like to be a projector. But ah! It's so hard to let go! It feels like a cruel joke - to be able to see what we see and to be sentenced to do nothing about it until the apes recognize that we have something to offer. Sure, they're beautiful apes, but fools. They are all fools.
It reminds me of No Exit, by Sartre. In fact, it is making me reconsider these existentialists and their brilliance. Three people are in a room. They are all dead. Garcin is the newest to be dropped off in the room. They know only that they cannot leave the room for all of eternity, and that this is hell. Otherwise, there is nothing. The three dead people begin to argue. Finally Inez understands something.
GARCIN I advise you to - to think twice before you say any more.
INEZ Wait! You'll see how simple it is. Childishly simple. Obviously there aren't any physical torments - you agree, don't you? And yet we're in hell. And no one else will come here. We'll stay in this room together, the three of us, for ever and ever... In short, there's someone absent here, the official torturer.
GARCIN... I'd noticed that.
INEZ It's obvious what they're after - an economy of man-power -- or devil-power, if you prefer. The same idea as in the cafeteria, where customers serve themselves.
ESTELLE What ever do you mean?
INEZ I mean that each of us will act as torturer of the two others
[There is a short silence while they digest this information.]
GARCIN [gently] No, I shall never be your torturer. I wish neither of you any harm, and I've no concern with you. None at all. So the solutions easy enough; each of us stays put in his or her corner and takes no notice of the others. You here, you here, and I there. Like soldiers at our posts. Also, we mustn't speak. Not one word. That won't be difficult; each of us has plenty of material for self-communings. I think I could stay ten thousand years with only my thoughts for company.
I just can't help but continue to wish to dream of a time when we could understand each other. When we can be separate but also know each others' experiences. Maybe that wish is my own private Inez or Estelle. Or maybe that's exactly what human design promises. Guess I'll just have to wait and see. For now, the bitterness encompasses me. The thing is that if anyone valued what I had to offer from this bitterness it would only feed the bitterness, and the feeling that everyone else had owed me. It's not from here that I can find resignation. I have to resign first, and that's a bitter pill to swallow!
photo from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:NoExit_cover.gif
Monday, April 23, 2012
Experimenting Noticing
I recently listened to the first class of Radical Deconditioning again. It's a class that I took in the winter with Leela and Dharmen Swann-Herbert. I have an all left oriented mind, so it's good for me to listen to things - classes, lectures - more than once. I tend to miss a lot the first time. The last time I took the class I was dating Devin and part way through it he broke up with me. It was certainly the most difficult breakup I had ever experienced, and part of my coping strategy had been to try to prove that I was really good at noticing.
Now I am not taking the class with anyone. I'm just listening to it and doing the exercises on my own. The first class is all about the transformative power of observation and experimentation. This is really the foundation for what Leela and Dharmen have to teach (or so it seems to me).
Their claim is that there is nothing we can do to get our minds to surrender to our lives. There is nothing we can do to get our minds to trust our lives. (Which leaves me wondering why Dharmen was yelling at me "you have to trust life!" the last time we spoke, but it seems everyone is full of contradictions.) The only thing we CAN do, they say, is to observe our life - to observe the mind, to observe our body, to observe the world outside of us, and to observe the things that we say. Observing, they say, is the key to transforming our lives. The transformation happens on it's own, the surrender happens on its own - but the observation is something we can do.
My friend Ashley came to visit about a week ago. It was hard to have him here because I am lost in a fog. He told me about a game. You sit in one spot in the woods and you sit there until you see a hair. You will always see a hair if you wait long enough. The trick is that you can't be looking for it. When you start looking for it, you don't find it. If you can relax your mind and let the hair present itself to you, it will. If you look, nope.
So I was out for a hike yesterday (on account of having met the girl in the tree the day before) and I found myself on someone else's property. I heard some folks coming my way. It was dense woods and so I felt safely hidden, but didn't want to take any chances, so I sat down to wait for them to pass. With nothing else to do I thought I would try the hair game.
First thing I thought was, what if I don't find a hair? am I going to be really disappointed in myself if I have to give up? maybe I shouldn't make this kind of commitment. Am I just setting myself up? Then I relaxed, remembered what Ashley said - that you only find the hairs when you're not looking for it - and I started to adjust my seated position when lo and behold - a hair. Then another.
Cool!
It was easy. The first time. But I found myself once again resting in the woods and once again the thought came through - maybe I'll try the hair game while I sit here. This time I was really scared. The chances of me succeeding twice in a row seemed slim. My mind was sort of sure that it wouldn't happen, but it was also really excited by the idea that it would. I remembered what Ashley said - that you only find the hairs when you're not looking - but it didn't help this time; I couldn't stop looking.
What happened next was illuminating. I watched as my mind tried to get itself to surrender. I watched it try to trick itself into thinking it had surrendered. I watched it get mad at itself for not being able to surrender. I watched it try to trick itself into surrendering. And then, finally in desperation, I saw it give up completely. And then I found a hair.
What was illuminating was not so much the truth of Ashley's statement, but the struggle that my mind had with accepting the truth of it, and implementing it. It's the same struggle that I have with my life. During the hair game I got to see on a micro scale what is happening in my mind in relationship to my life on the macro scale.
I got to see it. heh, but that's all. I just got to see it. There's nothing else that I get. I don't get to change it. I don't get to teach anyone about it. I don't get to convince other people that it's important. I don't even know if it is important.
I have spent my life exploring this consciousness and I can't say that I have found much reward in that investigation. I just haven't found anything else yet that seems more worth doing.
So, I've been watching. For the last few days.
Most of the time my mind is able to convince me that it's dramas and complaints are legitimate. Often times I'm able to convince other people too - that part scares me. It means I am responsible for what I say. I can't count on other people to call me out. I thought I could. At least, that's what John made me think. I mean, that's what he told me he could do. I thought that was the key to healing my relationship with my life - having someone else tell me when I was lying to myself, but there's no one else who can see through me the way I can see through myself. That's not what a projector is for - to tell you what's true and what's not true for you. I don't know what we're here for, but right now it seems silly to me to think that we are here to help generators live their lives as themselves. It seems to me that we are here to guide large groups of generators in large scale projects. But maybe that's just this projector.
Sorry, there's still a lot of anti-John left in me.
{There's a female cardinal sitting on the back porch. She is just sitting there, and has been for some time now. It's rare that the birds sit there so still, usually they are eating, or they are in the trees. Oop, there she goes, down to the feeder. Bright orange beak.}
So, I don't know. Things seem like they are getting more honest every day. And there is no Devin now in which to frame that progress. No one to prove things to. No one to try to hold onto. Just myself. Which seems good.
cool photo of brain rays: http://www.metaphysics-for-life.com/mind-over-matter.html
Now I am not taking the class with anyone. I'm just listening to it and doing the exercises on my own. The first class is all about the transformative power of observation and experimentation. This is really the foundation for what Leela and Dharmen have to teach (or so it seems to me).
My friend Ashley came to visit about a week ago. It was hard to have him here because I am lost in a fog. He told me about a game. You sit in one spot in the woods and you sit there until you see a hair. You will always see a hair if you wait long enough. The trick is that you can't be looking for it. When you start looking for it, you don't find it. If you can relax your mind and let the hair present itself to you, it will. If you look, nope.
So I was out for a hike yesterday (on account of having met the girl in the tree the day before) and I found myself on someone else's property. I heard some folks coming my way. It was dense woods and so I felt safely hidden, but didn't want to take any chances, so I sat down to wait for them to pass. With nothing else to do I thought I would try the hair game.
First thing I thought was, what if I don't find a hair? am I going to be really disappointed in myself if I have to give up? maybe I shouldn't make this kind of commitment. Am I just setting myself up? Then I relaxed, remembered what Ashley said - that you only find the hairs when you're not looking for it - and I started to adjust my seated position when lo and behold - a hair. Then another.
It was easy. The first time. But I found myself once again resting in the woods and once again the thought came through - maybe I'll try the hair game while I sit here. This time I was really scared. The chances of me succeeding twice in a row seemed slim. My mind was sort of sure that it wouldn't happen, but it was also really excited by the idea that it would. I remembered what Ashley said - that you only find the hairs when you're not looking - but it didn't help this time; I couldn't stop looking.
What happened next was illuminating. I watched as my mind tried to get itself to surrender. I watched it try to trick itself into thinking it had surrendered. I watched it get mad at itself for not being able to surrender. I watched it try to trick itself into surrendering. And then, finally in desperation, I saw it give up completely. And then I found a hair.
What was illuminating was not so much the truth of Ashley's statement, but the struggle that my mind had with accepting the truth of it, and implementing it. It's the same struggle that I have with my life. During the hair game I got to see on a micro scale what is happening in my mind in relationship to my life on the macro scale.
I got to see it. heh, but that's all. I just got to see it. There's nothing else that I get. I don't get to change it. I don't get to teach anyone about it. I don't get to convince other people that it's important. I don't even know if it is important.
I have spent my life exploring this consciousness and I can't say that I have found much reward in that investigation. I just haven't found anything else yet that seems more worth doing.
So, I've been watching. For the last few days.
Most of the time my mind is able to convince me that it's dramas and complaints are legitimate. Often times I'm able to convince other people too - that part scares me. It means I am responsible for what I say. I can't count on other people to call me out. I thought I could. At least, that's what John made me think. I mean, that's what he told me he could do. I thought that was the key to healing my relationship with my life - having someone else tell me when I was lying to myself, but there's no one else who can see through me the way I can see through myself. That's not what a projector is for - to tell you what's true and what's not true for you. I don't know what we're here for, but right now it seems silly to me to think that we are here to help generators live their lives as themselves. It seems to me that we are here to guide large groups of generators in large scale projects. But maybe that's just this projector.
Sorry, there's still a lot of anti-John left in me.
{There's a female cardinal sitting on the back porch. She is just sitting there, and has been for some time now. It's rare that the birds sit there so still, usually they are eating, or they are in the trees. Oop, there she goes, down to the feeder. Bright orange beak.}
So, I don't know. Things seem like they are getting more honest every day. And there is no Devin now in which to frame that progress. No one to prove things to. No one to try to hold onto. Just myself. Which seems good.
cool photo of brain rays: http://www.metaphysics-for-life.com/mind-over-matter.html
Saturday, April 21, 2012
What is surrender?
Warning: Nihilism ahead
I've been seeing the connections lately between what Dillard has to say about the joke in life - that we are sewn into it like so much corn, and that being sewn into it makes us subject to it - and some of the epic stories that have graced the movie theaters in my lifetime: the Matrix and Hunger Games keep popping up.
What strikes me is that these movies give us hope - like Dr. Snow in the Hunger Games points out - but it is a false hope. In the Matrix, Neo gets out of the Matrix, and then goes on to fight the bad guys who are keeping everyone else hooked up to the big joke. In the Hunger Games, where everyone is pitted against each other and everyone is on their own (much as in life), the heroine beats the game by threatening suicide, and she is able to save someone else's life. She then goes on to rebel against the people who control the game and all of society.
But in real life there is no one controlling the game and there is no one keeping us connected to an artificial matrix. The matrix we are in is real, and we cannot get out of it. We can commit suicide, but even this is only a temporary release from the struggle. We are stuck here, "spread into matter, connected by cells right down to our feet, and those feet likely to fell us on a tree root, or jam us on a stone." Not just possibly, but likely. And that's the part that is hard to understand and hard to accept.
We are pitted against each other. We are alone, and yet we want to be united. We can make alliances or we can create unions with another sorry soul, but these are only useful tools for advancing our chances at survival. We are in bodies that are designed to survive through manipulation, cheating, and lying. We are not designed to want to be here. We are designed to want what we are not. We can only be liberated from suffering by accepting that these feet are likely to fell us on a tree root, and to see life as a joke instead of a symphony. We are liberated through surrendering not just to our own incompetence, but to our immorality as well, to our selfishness and to the endless cycles of living and dying, and to pragmatism.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Human Design Mental Meanderings
I got into a seriously investigative mood the other day and really enjoyed it. It started when I was browsing through the Ephmeris and I noticed that there are crosses that repeat during the year. Upon looking closer I saw that some of them repeated multiple times and I started to get curious. I started with the first cross, Unexpected, and tracked it through until it repeated again. Eventually I realized that there are four cycles, that there are patterns to them, but that they are each a little bit different. So, I wrote them out, each cycle next to the one before and saw that
...some crosses repeat in the same order every cycle.
...other crosses repeat every other cycle
...and certain crosses never repeat
So, once I had written this out I wanted to look at the three patterns separately. I think the question driving me was, is there something to learn from the similarities in each cycle, and is there something to learn from the differences, a question I never really answered.
I don't know how interesting it will be to anyone else, particularly because most people don't even know anything about human design, but I find cycles to be really interesting. It's one place where all systems agree - we just can't deny the reality that the material world operates in cycles.
But at this point I thought of looking into the book on crosses for some explanation on why they repeat. It turns out that I was not the first one to discover this pattern. :) Each of these four cycles has a different name, and more importantly, people born in each quarter have a different kind of "destiny," which, of course, begs the question: what the hell does that mean?
It seems to have something to do with what will bring you fulfillment, as expressed through each quarter's "Theme of Fulfillment." I'd be interested to see more graphs illustrated how the crosses develop through the various quarters. For now...
It seems to have something to do with what will bring you fulfillment, as expressed through each quarter's "Theme of Fulfillment." I'd be interested to see more graphs illustrated how the crosses develop through the various quarters. For now...
These are the quarters and their Themes
The first quarter is The Quarter of Initiation, and is about nothing but the mind.
Quarter of Initiation
"Theme: Purpose fulfilled through Mind
Mystical theme: The Witness Returns"
The second quarter is the Quarter of Civilization. It includes every single activation of the throat, it focused on articulation, and specifically on manifestation. "This is about getting things done, building things, and making things."
Quarter of Civilization
"Theme: Purpose fulfilled through Form
Mystical Theme: From Womb to Room"
Next is the Quarter of Duality, which is all about intimacy, having someone to bond with, and procreation. People born in this quarter work toward genetic security.
Quarter of Duality
"Theme: Purpose fulfilled through Bonding
Mystical theme: Measure for Measure
Last is the Quarter of Mutation. I don't know what to say about this one, except to quote directly from the book... "The nature of mutation for us living in a vast program is that the program initiates the mutation, not us. Of course, in the context of the program, it's not even a mutation, it is just a change in information or frequency. Given the nature of our relationship to time and space, it takes time for that information to get here.
Quarter of Mutation
Theme: Purpose fulfilled through Transformation
Mystical theme: Accepting Death
While I was writing out this post I got interested in looking at which crosses define each quarter - not the one's that repeat, obviously (although the alternating ones might be interesting to look at next), but the ones that are specific only to the one quarter. So here's a breakdown of that.
What is interesting to me is to see the order these quarters go in. Each year we experience this cycle from Thinking about things to Building things to Procreating to Transforming. It is not hard to see the resemblance to the Medicine Wheels I have learned from Flynn Johnson and the Wilderness Awareness School.
In these Medicine Wheels you begin in the East with the place of transition between life and death. The East is also the place of planning, of dreaming about what comes next. It is early morning, as you waking, the place between worlds, the beginning of a new day, a new year, a new journey.
Then you move to the South, where you find hard work, summer, lots of growth, lots of energy being put it to build the things you dreamed about.
Then you move to the West, where you find that you are ready to start teaching others, sharing what you have learned, sharing what you built. It's a time when you come back into the community and offer what you have worked on.
Then to the North where you begin to rest, to reflect on what has been, and to begin to become open to something new. This is the place where you integrate all that has happened, all you have learned through your dreaming, working, and sharing.
I like that there are similarities across mythologies and systems. I like human design because it is such a detailed explanation for the things many cultures have been observing and working with for a long time.
See here for more information on the Human Design System, which is copyrighted, etc. by Ra Uru Hu, although he recently passed away, so I don't know how that works, it's just important to give credit where credit's due, that is, I didn't come up with this stuff, I'm just studying it.
All quotations, paraphrasing, and information on Crosses in this post came from "The Global Incarnation Index: Incarnation Crosses" by Ra Uru Hu
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)